Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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