windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
