hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
