yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
