is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
