well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
