so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
then he tried to convert me to islam
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Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
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I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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