I want to have your abortion
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize