i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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