I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize