Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
