I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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