Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
