She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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