My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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