Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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