I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
