If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
