peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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