Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Who died my cat blue again?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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