okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
