i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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