whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
