my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
