id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I understand Curling. That high.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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