When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
