Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
