I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
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