Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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