I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
