I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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