Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
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