i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I CAN MOONWALK!
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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