he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it glows. i had to have it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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