so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
