I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
