the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
