oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
