i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
