There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
