I don't usually arrange sex via text message
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize