you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
