Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
