He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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