i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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