The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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