He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm passing your future prison.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
