Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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