dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
