Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
