just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
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did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
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