What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
