She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
