Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
