____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
