Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
