We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
