We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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