I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
