i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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