I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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