Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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