My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
