I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
